Law of Attraction in Action Vol. 2
Handling Disappointment
Finding the Gift, Blessing and Lesson
When something you are planning on or working on goes the wrong direction we frequently find ourselves swimming in a sea of uncomfortable emotions or feelings like anger, disappointment or even depression. Of course all those feelings occur when we decide the situation warrants that we feel a certain way. Notice that I said “decide” to feel a certain way. We all choose our responses and feelings for all situations and circumstances. The decision may seem automatic and without doing anything to interrupt the process it basically is. At this point we have an opportunity to make another decision, to continue to keep an unwanted feeling and allow it to impact us beyond the moment or just let it go and create a positive framework around the occurrence. Let me explain.
Monday morning I sat down at my desk and started going over the emails. I normally scan through them to try and find the important ones in the list of newsletters and junk that I get. I immediately noticed one from the production company in Jordan. For some reason it didn’t feel good when I looked at it, bad vibes you might say, so I clicked on it right away.
At this point I should point out, in case you don’t know, that I had been in conversation with the people in Jordan since March and was within two weeks of jumping on a plane for 23 hours and flying to Amman Jordan to do workshops on advanced Law of Attraction subjects over Thanksgiving week. Everything had been set and in place since August. Magazine articles had been written and published, radio interviews were set up and I had been asked to add a couple of additional workshops because of additional interest. Needless to say I was pumped to embark on such a meaningful and exciting adventure to the Middle East.
The beginning of the email had the usual polite pleasantries and I expected to see the rest of the email addressing last minute details for flights, workshops or accommodations. I was surprised to read the sentence that started with “Unfortunately I have some bad news.” And it was. The workshops and trip had suddenly been canceled. As you can imagine a wave of disappointment hit me like a shovel in the face. This is the point where I find out if I will walk my talk or crumple into a ball and feel sorry for myself. The chain of events goes like this.
The first thing I did was turn my attention away from the email for the moment and do an inventory of how I was feeling right now. The feeling was not a good feeling. It was disappointment and a big wad of it was in my gut and I could feel it strongly. That Emotional Guidance System I talk about was in red flag mode.
My old self would have used that negative energy to propel himself into a well worn pattern of negative self talk and anger. That was the way I dealt with feeling not good back then. I would have begun to look for anyone and anything else to blame for this happening to poor old me. Believe me, I would have found plenty of culprits to point the blame at. I was a nearly perfect example of victim mentality complete with pity party and pouty face.
I knew that the only way to turn this situation around emotionally was to release and defuse the disappointment I was feeling until it was gone and I feel no discomfort from it. With a clear emotional base I could consciously decide how I wanted to feel about it and of course the answer is to feel good.
The first step was to remove any judgment about the canceled trip. I needed to see the situation as one that just is. Not good, not bad, just is. When I decided to look at the situation without judgment I was able to take the next step and look for the positive.
Looking for the positive is actually easier than it might sound when we can dissolve negative or unwanted feelings as they happen. The first thing I did was remind myself that when one door closes another opens up that is often better than the one that shut. I said to myself, “If this is not going to happen then something bigger and better will.” I really do believe that and I began creating a mindset of positive expectations. I didn't know what to expect, I just expect good things to come of this and I am willing to let them unfold in their time. That gave me a positive feeling about the situation as a starting point.
My next move was to apply a quick formula for rewriting how we feel about any perceived negative event or situation past, or present. The formula is to find the gift, blessing or lesson in the situation from a positive perspective after removing the impact of the unwanted feelings.
In the case of the canceled trip the first thing I chose to identify was the gift. The trip would have taken me away from home for 10 days over the Thanksgiving week, missing Thanksgiving with my family. The gift is being able to have Thanksgiving with my gang. That truly is an unexpected gift.
The next thing I looked for was the blessing. At the time I couldn’t identify one but that didn’t bother me because frequently the revelation of the gift, blessing or lesson comes after the fact of removing the negative emotional impact. If you can't find one of the components of rewriting an event or situation at the time, just let it go for a while. You will come up with one if that is your intention. It may come to you in a thoughtful period, while taking a shower or driving. It usually happens when a part of your brain is in automatic mode, like driving. I like to write the event and rewrite down in my Gratitude Journal so I can keep track of it's development from a perceived negative event or situation to a positive outcome. It gives one great confidence in our own ability to truly create our life experience.
Next I then chose to find the lesson. This is where I usually have to step up and claim my responsibility. In this situation I admit that I had been loosey goosey with the contract, airline tickets and deposit. They had not arrived the week before when they were supposed to and I did not pursue it. I just figured they were caught up in the mail service. The lesson is to stay on top of agreement and deposit deadlines and not to write in dates on my calendar until those items are received. I also learned not to announce anything prematurely. My announcement of the trip in the last newsletter was premature by me not having the agreement and deposit in hand in spite of verbal and written assurances. I should not have let them publish an article concerning the workshops until those items are in my hand. By the way, all of this is in my speaker agreement. I didn't follow my own standards.
It was two days later before the blessing revealed itself. On Wednesday afternoon I received an email asking if I would participate in a career day for 5th through 8th grade boys and give a motivational keynote speech to them during lunch. The day they requested would have been my travel day to return from Jordan and I would have been unavailable. I immediately responded and said yes to the offer. I love motivating and inspiring people and kids even more. It could not have worked out better all things considered.
Now as I look back on that email on Monday morning I can feel good about the situation because I could accept what happened without judgment, believe that something better was on its way and I was able to rewrite the end result of the experience to a positive feeling by looking for the gift, blessing and lesson.
I have found that those three components, the gift, blessing and lesson exist in all of our experiences. Positive or negative, wanted or unwanted there is always a gift, blessing and a lesson. When you find the gift, blessing and lesson, especially in situations or events perceived as negative or generating uncomfortable or unwanted feelings, they will change the way you look at things and then the things you look at will change.
In all you do, remember, as John Baine says, "The first step towards the solution to any problem is optimism."
Attract the best!
Cowboy Dave
The Attitude Adjusting Cowboy from the Frozen Tundra of Minnesota
“Cowboy” Dave is an internationally recognized
speaker and expert on the Law of Attraction and in the field of
transformational psychology. He frequently calls himself a “baggage
handler” because of his unique ability to help people get rid of the
emotional baggage that holds them back and keeps them locked in victim
patterns of thought and behavior that perpetuate negative patterns of
attraction. Cowboy Dave is available for speaking and training
engagements for businesses and organizations wanting to improve the
attitudes and life experiences for their employees, customers or
members. For more on seminars and workshops click here.
Or go to www.lawofattractioncenter.com.
Or email cowboy@lawofattractioncenter.com.
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